June 2, 2008

Kyla learns about ostrich riding

Went to lunch with the boys today. We started sharing stories about squirrels: Jon, the lover of all things wild, pulled out his phone and showed us a picture of a squirrel he'd taken earlier this morning, Simon ranted about a particularly messy instance involving a squirrel and an extractor (above the stove) fan, and Leang and I just listened. Apparently American squirrels are better behaved, as between the two of us, we couldn't think of a single story to tell.

The conversation then shifted to childhood experiences. I shared the usual stories: bottle feeding a newborn calf back to life (or so I like to think), sending the dogs and cats down the slide in the back of a Tonka Truck, playing with our twin piglets (Leslie and Kendra, I think I named them, after my best friends from church camp that year), and, with my brothers' help, sneaking the trampoline over to the side of the pool to catapult each other in while Mom wasn't looking.

Jon, our resident South African, had a few interesting stories, most involving wildlife, of course; however, the one that really takes the cake is his account of ostrich riding. He claims that it's quite popular in South Africa, and after a short web search I found this to be true.

Not a common form of transport, however the Ostrich's poweful legs and bulky body make it more than capable of supporting a human being. Their ability to run at up to 35 mph while carrying a person has led to ostrich racing, which is popular in Africa and some Arab countries. A dangerous sport, like horse racing, it demands a considerable amount of skill to stay on. (http://www.diseno-art.com/encyclopedia/things_to_do/ostrich_riding.html)

And so this, my friends, is how the elusive sport of ostrich riding works, according to Jon:

A rider climbs up a bit, on a fence or something, so it's easier to get onto the ostrich's back. Riding the bird is quite tricky, so you have to be sure to stabilize yourself as best as as you can. This involves putting your legs under the bird's wings. If you've picked a respectable place they'll lift the wings for you. Otherwise, you're on your own. After you've scooted your limbs under the wings they are put back down, securing your legs into a seat belt of sorts.

"Wait a minute. Isn't this a little awkward?" I asked Jon, pausing him mid-way through his explanation.

"Of course," he replied. "These wings are massive, and it's hot and moist under them. I mean, you can imagine an armpit, well, it's like putting your legs into the big, smelly, hot, damp armpit of a bird. Only with feathers."

Giant, disease-carrying, feather-covered, smelly, moist, hot pockets. Just what I'd want to stick my two favorite apendages into. At this point, our food comes.

Anyway, once you get your legs situated, you grab the neck, give it a smack, and off you go.
"But they're quite stupid, aren't they?" asked Simon, who, like myself, has never been fortunate enough to ride one of the oversive birds.

"Oh yeah, they're incredibly stupid," said Jon.

"Well then, how do you stop?" asked Leang.

Jon then went on to explain something about how they run down these lanes and just stop at the end, where you 'dismount.' And, I assume, immediately burn your pants and wash your legs.

"The thing I've always been a little nervous about is if they drop you and turn back and begin pecking at you," said Jon. "They have these huge beaks. They're this big" (He then shows us an area about the width of his hand.)

Sign me up.


3 comments:

Megan said...

SWEET.
today is my birthday and you can't even write on my facebook wall.

sad times.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a fan or any kind of bird, other than on a dinner plate...then I am pretty much down for whatever. Kyla, if you are interested in ostrich racing then please check THIS out:

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y77/vincetcb/monkey_cowboy.jpg

Yeah. Its a monkey in a cowboy outfit riding a dog.

Also, Google the Robot-jockey camel races.

--COCKNEY---

I'm bloody well not a fan or any sort of bird, uvver than on a dinner plate...ffen I'm pretty much dahn for wotever. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Kyla, if yor interested in ostrich racin' then please check THIS out:

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y77/vincetcb/monkey_cowboy.jpg

Bloody well right. Its a tossin monkey in a cowboy outfit ridin' a dog.

Also, Google the Robot jockey camel races.

Carrie said...

Kyla, here I am in Indianapolis, in my office on donut Thursday...and I'm reading your blog when all of a sudden I start laughing so hard glaze starts flying out of my mouth. It was the part about your favorite appendages being under the disease infested wings that got to me the most. I laughed so hard everyone here in the finance department turned and looked and asked why I was laughing. Thought you would enjoy this.