I'm Annoyed

This post is dedicated to my good friend A.H. I'm honored he would read the ramblings of a gentile such as myself.

I have decided to make a compilation of things that really irk me. I don't just mean the things that cause me to roll my eyes or shake my head-- we're talking things that I flat out hate. Things that drive me crazy and make me want to...throw ice cubes at people.

10. Realizing that there's no toilet paper just a little too late...

9. That commercial about smoking where the girl says, "Is anybody listening?" "Does anybody care?" Unfortunately, we are listening. But we don't care.

8. Tangled clothes hangers. Grrrr.....

7. Fork tines that stick up a little higher than all of the others. They will catch your lip. Or scrape your tooth. And it hurts.

6. Smokers that hit their pack of cigs against their hand for an incessantly long amount of time. We get it. You want us to notice that you smoke. You're cool. Now pack that nicotine! Pack it! 

5. Those posters where children are dressed like adults and there is one "accent" color, such as a yellow rose or light blue umbrella. You know what I'm taking about-- the "little gentleman" is usually dressed in a trench coat and fedora, receiving a kiss from the "little lady" sporting a frilly dress and oversized shoes. Too cute! I think Angela on The Office has one. Bonus points if it's in puzzle form.

4. Self-portraits used as profile pics on Facebook. Now, I must confess that I am guilty of this. I have, in the past, used a picture of my roommate and myself that I took. However, I took in a mirror and you can clearly tell I'm doing so. Unfortunately, we do have puckered lips, a crucial element in the self-portrait profile pic, or sp3. The sp3 usually also has an arm extending to the outer limit of the shot, because this is the appendage used to take the picture. The photographer typically has a cocked head and is attempting a "sexy" pose. Sometimes we get the best sp3 of them all-- one that has been photoshopped to give it an "I'm deep and I want you to know" look to it-- blurred edges, a haze, transformation to black and white...you've seen them.

3. The grocery cart with the bad wheel. I hate going to get groceries and picking the cart with one, or if you're really unlucky, two, bum wheels. You're stuck going in circles all night, much like the spiders we tortured at church camp. We'd pull off all but one leg, set them back on the bench, and watch them go round and round and round and...well, you get the point. If you aren't stuck going in circles, you're screeching through the store and by the time you leave your biceps ache from pushing against the resistance provided by the bad wheel(s). This can be avoided by switching carts, but often times you have the "late bloomer"-- the cart that develops the problem half-way into the trip-- leaving you with two options: a) retrieving another cart from the front of the store and switching all of your goods over, or b)  sucking it up and using the faulty cart.

2. Cracked heels catching as you slide your feet into the sheets. Gross, and it really doesn't require a lot of explaining. It's just like running a rake across a chalkboard. Luckily, it's nothing a little petroleum oil and nice pair of socks can't fix.

1. Confusing your/you're, it's/its, two/to/too, and there/their/they're. Oh, and it's spelled definItely.